loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
