I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When are your genitals available?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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