i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize