I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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