We won't sleep together?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
