My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
