In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
