I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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