I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
