i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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