i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
