Umm I'm too high to move.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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