just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we're making bets on your personal life
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
