Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
