Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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