Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
