In America we eat man semen.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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