I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
