I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
