he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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