Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
