Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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