babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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