THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dicks are not precious.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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