saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm both gender and math confused
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
