It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
