Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
