there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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