So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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