the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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