Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think i got beer on your cat.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
