Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
