Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
worst night to have a conscience
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
