my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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