how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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