now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
