Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
