That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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