There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
