Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
