tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
