Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
