Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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