i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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