At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
