wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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