thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
