Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
