All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
