Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
